Suddenly I found myself sitting in a waiting room again. Waiting on my name to be called again. Wondering when this cycle would end.

It had been a few months since I heard my name being called out in a lobby. I’d be lying if I said I missed it…. I haven’t. I would’ve preferred never to be sitting here again.

The cold rooms. The small talk. The hospital smell. The waiting.

I’d much rather be at home. But somehow found myself back again months later. Despite saying countless times how I would never return. Here I am. Back again. In what seems to feel like a never ending cycle. Yet somehow although it feels the same, it feels different.

That although it’s a start of a new cycle I’m beginning, it truly feels like my last one. Everything will have been worth it. The excruciating pain. The countless blood loss. The sleepless nights. Everything will have worked for good.

Even though I want to question God and ask Him why I catch myself instantly answering why not you? I know that my suffering will never compare to the one that Jesus made for me. And he did it willingly. Although I’ll never know what it feels to be crucified, I have found myself repeating the same words He did while being in agonizing pain “my God, why have you forsaken me?” yet a few seconds later also saying “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me. Nevertheless not my will, but yours, be done.”

I have understood that it is never God’s intention to hurt us. There is always a purpose and a plan behind everything we go through. Often times it’s not even about us, it’s about helping others overcome similar situations. It’s so God can be glorified through your story.

So although what you’re going through right now may not seem fair, remember that it’s not about you. It’s not about our feelings. It’s so that through your faith, you can impact others and lead them to Christ. So that you can be a testimony that truly, with Christ, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. That is not by your strength, but it is because Christ strengthens us.

Take heart my sisters and brothers and fear not, for Christ has already overcome this world and all its troubles.

God loves you and He isn’t finished with you yet.