It’s been a little over 3 months since I have received any type of treatment for this horrible disease called cancer. Not because I was in remission or because my doctor recommended it but because I simply didn’t have the mentality to keep doing it. I have been told to go back and seek treatment again and I’m sure I will at one point. I’m just trying to regain the mental health to be able to cope with it all over again. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the bad news to come from me stopping my treatment. The negative effects that my pregnancy left behind I’m sure I’ll get an ear full of. Cancer is exhausting and debilitating. Not only physically but mentally, spiritually and any way you can think of as well. I am honestly just exhausted from fighting along with everything else that’s been going on with my personal life as well. I am usually not one to complain or be negative but believe me when I say that CANCER SUCKS and I don’t wish this on anyone. 

Cancer had basically taken over my life. It was all anyone ever talked about anymore and I hated that. Whenever I was first diagnosed, the amount of calls/texts/messages I received was overwhelming (in a good way). As time went by, that slowly stopped and maybe 3 people diligently asked about my health. Which didn’t really bother me because I got through it anyway. But now looking back, I didn’t really feel the support that I wanted or needed to continue to fight this disease. It is so easy to smile, snap a photo and post it on social media. It’s easy to pretend that you have it all under control and that you’re okay when in reality, you have completely lost yourself.  It is not easy to hear at 25years that you will have to be in treatment for the remainder of your life. And that’s not even a guarantee that you’ll be cancer free and live to tell about it. 

“The five-year survival rate after diagnosis for people with stage 4 breast cancer is 22 percent.”

The past roughly 9 months have been extremely difficult. I have not been living but instead surviving. There’s a huge difference between the two. I am looking forward to move forward and continue to grow through this heart wrenching experience. I know that I will never be the same person I was before but I will strive to be more loving, compassionate, forgiving, positive and giving person than I was. I am excited to see myself come back to life and enjoy this beautiful life I have been given. I am continuing to prepare myself and be the warrior I was called to be. 

Thank you to the ones who did reach out and offer your support. It means more to me than I could ever say or show. Thank you for your love, thoughts and prayers. Thank you for being a part of my story. If you read the whole thing, thank you. I love y’all. 

Here’s to my beautiful girls and my angel babies, you deserve the best role model and mother I can be and that’s exactly who I will be. Here’s to fighting side by side in the present so we can have a future together.

Here’s to being me, unapologetically.